Crush the Brunch

Back to where it all began, we took the trip up to Massapequa NY to visit family.  This is the town of Long Island my father was raised along with other notable celebrities such as Jerry Seinfeld, Kim Basinger and the Baldwin Brothers.  Many restaurants in the area are likely to have signed photos of these characters all over their walls.  Well except for my father……Ralph Milone just hasn’t hit the main stream yet I guess.  I love coming up here to, of course, visit my father but also to get some fresh NY style Bagels.  They just don’t make bagels anywhere else like they do here.  They say it’s something in the water, which may explain more than just good bagels, pizza too maybe?

So I was pretty much set on writing this blog about the bagels, but when the idea of Brunch was put on the table it quickly peaked my interest.   I figured with all these celebrities and the masses of tourist they bring in each year there’s got to be a note worthy Brunch venue in town.  Not the case.

So after some Yelp and Google research, Badda Bing!  We found a venue a few towns over; The Black Forest Brew Haus was the best deal and looked the most appetizing on the website.  The 2 drink options of either Mimosas or Bloody Marys included with the meal and free kids under 4 help put it over the top of the others.  They obviously didn’t know my 1-year-old could eat like a champ!

Entering the front doors it felt like a large 1900 century tavern.  It’s long bar top was covered in an assortment of foods from the front to the back of the building where we were seated.  Some of the mentionable items included shrimp, lox, feta and spinach egg casserole, and captain crunch crusted chicken, along with your traditional entrée items  of scrabbled eggs, bacon, sausage, home fries, and all the pies, breads, and waffles you can dream up.

Now brunch is a funny thing, everybody has their own technique or personality on what to eat and their rate of consumption.  Some act out of habit while others intend to maximize their value and get their money’s worth.  I’ve characterized this into the combination of 2 out of 4 personality traits.  Assuming the purpose of going to a brunch is to eat as much as you can, the 4 personalities include:

The Dude

A theory of many buffet goers is this, if they take it slow they will be able to digest easier and therefore eat more.  They take their time deciding what to eat and sip on their coffee between plates.  The Dude will buffet it long after everyone else is ready to nap.

Speedy Gonzales

This person moves from the breakfast bar to the table and back faster than most people decide whether to put strawberries or blueberries on their waffle.  In their desire to eat as much as they can as fast as they can, The Speedy Gonzales is likely planning what they will have next before chow’n down on what’s already on their plate.  They eat with purpose and are not likely to converse with others until finished. 

The Carbinator

These individuals love their breads and sweets transitioning from waffles, to muffins, to French toast, to pancakes and usually top it all off with ice cream or pie.  I don’t believe that any brunch is complete without a big Belgian waffle topped with fruit, ice cream, cool whip and chocolate and/or maple syrup.  While most everyone else goes into a food-coma The Carbinator is jack up on their sugar rush.  They’re good to have around when there’s small kids to watch (who are probably also on a sugar rush).

Bloody Tiger

These ferocious carnivores are inclined to eating the pricier and more protein enriched foods.  They devour plates of peel-and-eat shrimp, smoked salmon, chicken cordon blue, and meats from the carving station and get seconds and thirds of made-to-order omelets, crispy bacon, and sausage links.  It doesn’t take long before they have peace of mind knowing they just got the better of their host.  Heck, my consumption of lox on toasted pumpernickel bread with cream cheese and onion must have been $20 worth alone.  

Where are you in this personality chart?  Are you a Tiger Dude or a Speedy Carbinator? What other personalities or techniques have you noticed?


The technique most likely to maximize value would be that in quadrant III, or the Speedy Tigers.  Eating protein enriched foods that don’t make you feel bloated and at a quick rate so your brain doesn’t register that you’re full. 

Although I don’t recommend eating so fast that you bypass the taste buds, eating quickly will allow you to consume more.  A recent Tweet by Dave Zinczenko Editor and Chief of Men’s Health stated this EAT RIGHT RULE: Stretch out your meal to 30 minutes to signal fullness & reduce calorie intake by 10%.  So logic would tell us that if we ate faster we would be able to increase our calorie intake and enjoy more food!

Harness this technique and you will likely be able eat larger amounts of the more expensive foods and definitely get your money’s worth. 

My personal technique – If there is something that I have not tried before I eat that first, followed by plate after plate of omelets, shrimp, and lox sandwiches.  I do love potatoes so I’ll have a small helping of their rendition of home fries.  It’s important to note that I try not to drink anything but a few sips of coffee, liquids will just fill you up.  Just when I think one more plate will put me over the top I load up a hot waffle with all the sweets available, whipped cream, and a cherry on top!


About breakfastjones

Just your everyday joe who adores many things in life especially my two beautiful children, amazing wife, & breakfast! I strive to live life fully and experience my greatest potential by challenging myself & pushing my limits. I am totally grateful for the love and support of my family & friends. Lets EAT!!!

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